I don't want to do it, I like my house, or at least I used to like it. I really don't have another place to live either, except maybe with one of my children. What do you say kids, who gets Momma? Maybe I can still avoid it, I'll give it one more day.
Ok, 2 days ago I crawled out of bed all bleary eyed, I'm so not a morning person. I was jamming my feet into my slippers thinking of coffee when I saw it! An evil, sneaky, jumping cricket! He jumped up and into my BED!! I grabbed one of my slippers and went commando. Under the pillow he went and I was right behind him and I was not letting him get away, oh the thought of him getting away!! I chased him across the bed, ran around to the other side but now he was under the sheets, ick. Now I have a pillow in one hand and a slipper in the other, screaming at the stupid cricket. I tripped on a cord in my haste (panic) and fell into the table knocking over the lamp (destroyed) and the clock. By the time I got myself back up he had zipped off the bed and under the dresser. He was playing possum and NOT coming out.
Let me explain that this was not your regular big, black, chirpy cricket. This was one of those creepy, smallish, brown ones that don't chirp. Silent and sneaky so you never know where they are.
Anyway, I ripped everything off the bed and threw it all in the washing machine. Later in the afternoon I went back into that chamber of horrors to look for that evil bug once more and hopefully, put some clean sheets back on my bed. I stuck my head in, nothing. Looked under the bed, no cricket. As I got up from the floor I saw him near the closet door. Showdown! Now I have not a wimpy bedroom slipper but a real shoe, got him on the first try. YES! My world is safe once more. Clean sheets on the bed, happy day.
After the sheets I decided to clean my bathroom. I have a big jaccuzi tub and you have to climb in the tub in order to clean it. I got in I wiped the surround and the window sills, feeling happy with the clean smells and the sunshine. I turned around and there in the tub with me was a giant cricket the size of a CAT! Oh yeah, no kidding. He must have been hiding in the water jet thing. I jumped out of that tub in a blink, slipped on the floor, banged my head on the door frame. The cricket was pretty happy in his bathtub because he didn't go anywhere while I was busy bruising my body parts. I murdered him with a hair brush.
To me, crickets are in the same category as boa constrictors. I'm ok with regular old bugs, mice, whatever. How would you feel about having your house virtually taken over by boa constrictors? Exactly.
As I said...I must burn my house down, it's the only answer.