"Down The Farm"

I've told you about my sisters before, I have a bunch of them. One of my sisters is relocating from suburban York, PA to a farm on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. No really, a farm. God's country. All you see as you drive through this area is corn fields and trees, a shimmery strip of black top. She has a pig. She will be working from home (lucky beotch) in an office on the second floor of the farm house. My sister has never lived on a farm. In fact, she isn't good with animals, never kept a pet longer than 6 months. She kills marigolds. I'm expecting lots of blog material from that direction.

My niece has decided to go along rather than stay in PA. She's going to try it out, see how it goes. This is a city girl. One who enjoys Starbucks, dry cleaners and concrete. She has difficulties living with a cat. Eeeeuuuww, is one of her most used words. Yes, Mike, it is a word. 

Last weekend, my niece Jess, sent me a message on FB. She was "down the farm" and was looking out the kitchen window. She saw LT, (sisters husband, born and raised in God's country) throwing a wrench at something on the ground. She decided to go out and investigate. The object of the attack was a six foot long black snake with "huge fangs" that was staring up at her! The snake had bitten LT and so, LT quietly decapitated the critter. What is it with the men in our family, quietly suffering such dramatic injuries?

Jess was freaking and rightly so in my book. I don't do snakes. NO. I don't even like looking at pictures of snakes. A black snake isn't harmful you say? Phshaw! Harmless snake is an oxymoron.

Jess was doubting that she would ever again feel safe walking out in the yard after dark and wondering how to deal with such lurking dangers. She was turning to me for a solution as we share a very healthy, crippling fear of these slithering devils. So Jess, I say always carry a flashlight and maybe wear some tall boots if you have to walk through the danger zone at night. Maybe hip waders would be a wise choice.

 BUY A TASER!       

You might look like a moron but I say let 'em laugh honey. At least you'll be safe.