As you all know I have made the decision to try and curb my addiction to cigarettes. A big decision but one that I simply have to try because my health is suffering for the addiction. Not to mention the fact that it is nearly criminal to smoke cigarettes these days. Smokers are constantly made to feel like low class citizens. Of course, now that I have made this decision and announced it to the world, there is that additional pressure I am feeling to make it work this time. I was aware of this and it was my intention to try and use that to my benefit.
Since announcing my decision this is all I am able to think about, yes, my addiction, maybe addictions. I have found myself unable to do anything constructive or concentrate on doing the things I should be doing and instead, I am 'playing' on the computer! Games, games and games! Bejeweled, Mahjong, Dominos, Canasta, and on and on. Why? I don't know. My mind is whirling a mile a minute as I am playing. I'm not thinking particularly constructive thoughts just randomness. I'm not even able to concentrate long enough to read just in fits and spurts. I looked up addictions this morning on Wikipedia and then behavioral addictions and then addictive behavior. What I found was the following possible explanation:
"Addictive behavior is any activity, substance, object, or behavior that has become the major focus of a person's life to the exclusion of other activities, or that has begun to harm the individual or others physically, mentally, or socially.
A person can become addicted, dependent, or compulsively obsessed with anything. Some researchers[weasel words] imply that there are similarities between physical addiction to various chemicals, such as alcohol and heroin, and psychological dependence to activities such as compulsive gambling, sex, work, running, shopping, or eating disorders.
Compulsive behaviors are rooted in a need to reduce tension caused by inner feelings a person wants to avoid or control. Compulsive behaviors are repetitive and seemingly purposeful and are often performed in a ritualistic manner.
These behaviors may involve sex, food, making excessive charitable contributions, caffeine, nicotine, gambling, spending, TV watching, Internet surfing, reading, cleaning, washing, drugs or alcohol. The key point is that the activity is not connected to the purpose it appears to be directed to, and is likely to be excessive. Examples could be a person who is afraid of bonding with a partner choosing to zone out with the TV, or a person who has never had enough love filling up on a gallon of ice cream."
This made some sense to me as I see the explanation for my behavior but now I feel like I really need some serious help! I have the nicotine, the caffeine, the internet surfing, the games....I'm really sick! I had no idea! I should have just kept playing Scrabble, I would have been better off.
So then, in order to alleviate my worries I began surfing the web again. Ok, ok, I'm better, I'll get through this. Well I just happened to Google rehab centers, actually, luxurious rehab centers. What, I'm sick! The web site says they accept insurance. This particular luxury rehab center is in Malibu, a lovely setting and I think the weather would be great medicine for my various illnesses. I might meet some stars while I'm there. Don't worrry, I'll get pictures and I'll tell you all about it.
Do you think my insurance company will balk at paying airfare from Maryland to California? If need be I'll go Greyhound just as long as they have Wi-Fi.