I Need Rehab

As you all know I have made the decision to try and curb my addiction to cigarettes. A big decision but one that I simply have to try because my health is suffering for the addiction. Not to mention the fact that it is nearly criminal to smoke cigarettes these days. Smokers are constantly made to feel like low class citizens. Of course, now that I have made this decision and announced it to the world, there is that additional pressure I am feeling to make it work this time. I was aware of this and it was my intention to try and use that to my benefit.


Since announcing my decision this is all I am able to think about, yes, my addiction, maybe addictions. I have found myself unable to do anything constructive or concentrate on doing the things I should be doing and instead, I am 'playing' on the computer! Games, games and games! Bejeweled, Mahjong, Dominos, Canasta, and on and on. Why? I don't know. My mind is whirling a mile a minute as I am playing. I'm not thinking particularly constructive thoughts just randomness. I'm not even able to concentrate long enough to read just in fits and spurts. I looked up addictions this morning on Wikipedia and then behavioral addictions and then addictive behavior. What I found was the following possible explanation:

"Addictive behavior is any activity, substance, object, or behavior that has become the major focus of a person's life to the exclusion of other activities, or that has begun to harm the individual or others physically, mentally, or socially.^[1]
A person can become addicted, dependent, or compulsively obsessed with anything. Some researchers^{[weasel words]} imply that there are similarities between physical addiction to various chemicals, such as alcohol and heroin, and psychological dependence to activities such as compulsive gambling, sex, work, running, shopping, or eating disorders.
Compulsive behaviors are rooted in a need to reduce tension caused by inner feelings a person wants to avoid or control.^[2] Compulsive behaviors are repetitive and seemingly purposeful and are often performed in a ritualistic manner.
These behaviors may involve sex, food, making excessive charitable contributions, caffeine, nicotine, gambling, spending, TV watching, Internet surfing, reading, cleaning, washing, drugs or alcohol. The key point is that the activity is not connected to the purpose it appears to be directed to, and is likely to be excessive. Examples could be a person who is afraid of bonding with a partner choosing to zone out with the TV, or a person who has never had enough love filling up on a gallon of ice cream.<sup>[1]"

This made some sense to me as I see the explanation for my behavior but now I feel like I really need some serious help! I have the nicotine, the caffeine, the internet surfing, the games....I'm really sick! I had no idea! I should have just kept playing Scrabble, I would have been better off. 


So then, in order to alleviate my worries I began surfing the web again. Ok, ok, I'm better, I'll get through this. Well I just happened to Google rehab centers, actually, luxurious rehab centers. What, I'm sick! The web site says they accept insurance. This particular luxury rehab center is in Malibu, a lovely setting and I think the weather would be great medicine for my various illnesses.  I might meet some stars while I'm there. Don't worrry, I'll get pictures and I'll tell you all about it.</sup>

^{Do you think my insurance company will balk at paying airfare from Maryland to California? If need be I'll go Greyhound just as long as they have Wi-Fi.}

My Cyber Cafe

Yesterday two of our kids came by to visit. One of them I knew was coming by at some point because she wanted me to trim her hair. She had tried to come by the day before but I was out which, I think, annoyed her a bit. So, anyway, around noon the oldest called to see if we would be around as she was on her way home from DC and thought she would pop in. This all came to fruition around 4:00.

In comes the first born, Christina, with her tote bag on her shoulder. "Hi mom, what's for dinner, can we make dinner now, I'm starving?" She is sitting at the kitchen island now setting up her laptop as I start gathering some quick food to prevent my child from perishing. Christina says, "I need to get my resume together so I thought I would work on it here so you can help." Meanwhile I am running food choices by her because, as you know, I don't really cook. We are chicken nugget/fries people and my oldest daughter is a food snob. I don't know where she came from. I got the food into pots and pans and into the oven. Timer set.

My husband is at the kitchen table working on his laptop in front of him and another in the chair next to him transferring all of his music from one to another while watching a basketball game on tv. I snagged one of the laptops from him so I could play while the two of them are working and not talking to me.

In walks daughter #2, Jenn, greetings are exchanged and I sent her upstairs to get scissors, comb, towel for her haircut. Well, you know she snagged my chair and laptop and started playing games while I am doing her hair!

Now I'm making dinner, cutting hair and no one is talking to me. They are all PLUGGED IN! Remember that old Stephen King novel about the people in town who became computers or some nonsense? I lived that in my kitchen yesterday!

The Graveyard

Do you realize how vital your computer has become to your life? How it has become integrated into your every day comings and goings? I thought I did but, no, I really didn't have a grasp on the whole picture. Nearly every aspect of your life is reflected in some way on your hard drive. Far more personal than the contents of your wallet. It's scary.

I bought a new computer, probably a year ago. The old one was, well, old and unreliable, slow and quirky. Then one day it wouldn't boot up...Eghads! And off to the store we went. We searched, we questioned we read and we bought. Oh, happy day! We brought it home all bright and shiny. Oh it looked wonderful on my desk and this machine is quick, I click and I receive, easy as that.

The old computer, which served me well for years, has been sitting on the floor in my office. Over in the corner with the dust bunnies. Same place we all put them. I might have another one or two in the basement too. So a couple of weeks ago I noticed it and wondered if my brother-in-law (the master of computer geeks) could fix it well enough that my grandaughter could use it. She is turning six in a couple of weeks so she just plays her games and goes online to the Disney site.

Well, he did get it working properly, it isn't fast as lightening but it's fine. He called me to ask what I wanted to leave or delete. At first I said, oh I doubt there is anything to worry about on there, don't waste your time. Then a couple of phone calls later, I realized everything I have done in the past few years is on there...everything! Financials from a business we owned, yep. Personal banking, yep. Pictorial evidence in a lawsuit, yep. Word docs re: said law suit, yep. Credit card info, yep. Medical insurance and prescription info, yep. The details of my life contained in a little gray box, yep.

So this is why we all have electronics graveyards in our basements. I think I'll take them all out in the driveway and pour battery acid inside them. It's the only way to protect myself!