Take a Memo Monday - Dr. Ted's Medicine Show

To: Dr. Ted-"Health Master"

From: Slightly Skeptical Woman

Re: Magic Elixirs

I caught you on the radio the other day, Thanksgiving day in fact. On my way to overindulge on turkey and mashed potatos. You were sharing your list of the ten foods we should NEVER eat. Pork was on the list, otherwise known as "the other white meat"? On the other hand you said that it's perfectly fine to eat beef, no problem. Hot dogs are ok in moderation, only ALL BEEF. Then a woman called in and said that her mom had been diagnosed with colon cancer which was partly due to beef in her diet. You changed your mind and suggested that we only eat beef once a month.
You said that the only kind of cooking oil to use safely is olive oil or grape seed oil. A few minutes later you told us NEVER to use grape seed oil as it is "toxic". OTC pain killers are also "toxic" and if you are healthy than you will never get headaches?!
I was confused after listening to your slightly evangelistic, fast talking, sales pitch. I decided to check out your website to clarify your positions. Imagine my delight when I discovered that you sell a multitude of "magical elixirs"!

* HGH Stimulate only $79.95 a bottle - but wait it increases energy, slows aging and melts body fat & cellulite like butter in a microwave! Who knew?

*Ultimate D3 $19.95 and this gem will kill viruses - swine flu, H1N1, tuberculosis and even the common cold! Wow!

*Cod Liver Oil $47.80 for a bottle full of health! Healthy heart, cholesterol, blood, immune system.

*7-Keto DHEA Cream $43.00 indeed a miracle in a pump spray! Decreases aging, lines and wrinkles, increases bone health, supports weight loss and sexual function. A magic cream!

Wow Dr. Ted, I think I'm going to sell my car and buy every one of your magic elixirs. I want to be younger and healthier with no lines or wrinkles. I definitely want to be skinnier and swine flu free. Certainly I want to have a good sex life! Who Doesn't? Let's see, I think that's about it on the old wish list. Oh, I didn't see a syrup for making tons of money? That seems to be the only irrational promise that you neglected to mention? Oh, right, you're already DOING that.


Me-Me King said...

What a shiester!

Oh, would you mind providing his web address, I just listed my car on Craig's List.

Lee said...

You know what's sad...there is someone buying his crap right now...

Jen said...

What the address? I want to have good sex too. Of course I'd settle for any sex.

Liz Mays said...

I swear to you, my husband would fall for that.

vickie said...

A good morning laugh ... enough to keep me going! Thanks to YOU! LOL Imagine how many get fooled :(

Jude said...

Sounds like a politician to me with all their snake oil remedies to cure the country.

Ann said...

oh goody I have a few bucks left over this week and I was wondering what I should spend it on. I'm going to get thin and cellulite free :)

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Grampy said...

Gee! Looks like you are going to get rich from that last comment.What a lucky lady you are.

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